thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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