I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
