I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
