I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
