Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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