I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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