You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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