i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
