I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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