Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
