thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
