you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
In America we eat man semen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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