Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
