I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
