You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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