Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize