yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
