I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
