Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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