i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He passed out mid-signature
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have post one night stand depression
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