The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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