i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
