Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
