it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
