One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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