I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just pee around me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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