I want to make a zoo with you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
