Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
