Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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