I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
