I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
