I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
