Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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