do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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