He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
