I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
