its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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