Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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