my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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