Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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