I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I love having hate sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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