Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
