Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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