I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
