Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
