The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
