do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
