i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize