If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
