I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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