you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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