Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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