I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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