I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
