how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
