ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
