I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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