I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
