Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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