Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
